Animal Jokes.

There sure are some silly animal names out there, the Emu, the Aye Aye, the Gnu, the Okapi, even the Moose sounds goofy.

These names demonstrate there are nearly infinite combinations of syllables that could become animal names.  We don’t have to take the lazy way and name animals after other animals. It’s difficult to count all the examples, between folk names (who really calls a cougar a “deer tiger?) and nicknames, but here are some of the offenders.

Giving these animals names that other animals clearly already had reserved implies these species don’t deserve their own unique names. We don’t call Vancouver citizens “Canadian Seattle people.” The Mongolians aren’t the “Russian Chinese.”

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The Cuttlefish, the jellyfish, the crawfish and the starfish had a meeting. They were upset about their names. “Why did they name us fish?” Some lazy biologist said something like, “the most successful animal in the ocean is the fish, therefore they must all be fish.”

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If that guy had been the one to name the creatures on land, we’d call the giraffe the long necked rat, the tiger the striped rat, the squirrel the climbing rat,

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The platypus would be the duck billed rat and the naked mole rat would be the…. hey maybe he did name this cute fella.

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The kangaroo would be the jumping rat, and the kangaroo rat? the jumping rat rat.

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The leopard was confused when he heard of the leopard gecko, the leopard tortoise,the leopard seal, the leopard cat, and the leopard shark. “What does it mean to be leopard? Who am I? Seems anyone can be a leopard these days.”

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It gets really bad when we consider the creatures of the sea.  (Cow shark? really, is it required to name sharks after mammals and they ran out?) Clearly the humans who were handing out names were more familiar with land animals and so named the sea creatures in tribute. Imagine if those handling naming duty had been an aquatic society: more familiar with the ecosystems of the ocean than land, surely we would see the reverse? Do mermaids call horses “land- whatevers” where whatever stands for the name they gave the sea horses they noticed swimming by?

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The seahorse ask the leafy seadragon, why did they name me after a mammal, and you after a reptile when we are clearly closely related?

image The horseshoe crab has never seen a horseshoe, and he insists that he is crab shaped. The Elephant seal and the elephant shrew both held their noses in shame and asked themselves, is it really that big?

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Some call the flying fox the wolf bat, some call the hog nosed bat the bumblebee bat.

There are wolf spiders and spider monkeys, but no wolf spider monkeys?

Better to be named after something that exists. Consider the odd cases of the tasmanian devil, the angel shark, the angel fish, the unicorn crestfish, the pink fairy armadillo, the goblin shark, the yeti crab, the vampire squid, and the vampire bat. They are very much real, but the things they are named after: DONT EXIST!

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What goes through a female tiger’s head when she sees a new potential mate. “I know he will kill my offspring to ensure his own genetic success, but dang, cute stripes.”

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The Praying Mantis is upset about his name too. “I’m an atheist! and I’ve been making this motion with my front legs for tens of thousands of years, longer than humans have been praying to a monotheistic god; you should call this “mantising.”

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When hiring for a new position, you should always hire the candidate who is the most highly qualified.image

Why don’t deep sea fish date? Too much pressure. (thanks Kat Witt for this adorable joke)

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Are these cute animal pictures pandering to the audience?

Lets get serious for a moment.

One of my favorite animals is the dolphin. Did you know there are dolphins trained by the US Navy to disarm undersea mines? Sometimes they take a hit for the team and blow themselves up for America. Thats a true patriot. Is anybody lobbying congress to grant dolphins who die in the line of duty citizenship? Where is the Dolphin Action Committee?

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Some old white bald guy (Alexander Hamilton?) decided that the national animal of the US of A would be the Bald Eagle. Telling of the times, he thought Americans would have something in common with this white, balding, predatory, carrion eating, noble appearing bird.

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Well we are a diverse nation, we have hair, we are intelligent, playful and enjoy masturbating, we don’t have echolocation yet, but I think it gives us something to work towards. I suggest we change the national animal to the dolphin.

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USA USA USA!!!!!

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Daily drawing meditation

A brief trip to San fransisco resulted in these drawings of people buildings and flowers.

  

    

this   was at the United nations plaza and civic center. There were many nice vendors at the market. I bought some jewelry, strawberries and some decorative coral.      

Here are a few comedians I saw at a show at The Royale.

  

    

They aren’t all excellent drawings, but it’s good to practice buildings. They require patience, attention to detail, attention to perspective, and an ability to draw straight lines in symmetry. Thanks for looking!

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ERA CODA with Beef bottom and Lojia

ERA CODA plays beautiful complicated music. In the vein of Maps and Atlases and Thought trade. I also hear echoes of Danny Elfman, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, Radiohead, Frank Zappa and Morricone Youth. They haven’t recorded yet but dear god their songs are amazing.

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They shared the stage with Beef Bottom, an excellent bar band who plays covers of Queen, the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Elton John and coolest of all, The Band.Now just learn some Traveling WIlburies and some Black Keys buddys.

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Lojia are very heavy dark funk with elements of metal.100_3838 100_3839

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SXSW recap

Here are some of the photos I took and drawings I made at SXSW in 2015. This time around, I made the effort to always give the performers my drawings. Musicians are almost always flattered or appreciative, but I have less time to ink color and perfect the illustrations. Also, sometimes there is rain or dancing crowds or other elements that make it difficult to draw. I use soft pastels, which are quick and intense, but can be messy. I had a pink sweater and sock and ipad case for a week because a red soft pastel got crushed in my bag.

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Okite Porsche played SUPER hyper hyphy happy perky Japanese pop, and ran around and poured energy drink all over himself, he also played kissing games with the crowd and did 90% of his show out in the crowd, only occasionally going back on stage to put a new song on. An especially wacky stage antic was inviting audience members to toss water balloons at him that he enthusiastically swung at with a plastic baseball bat, further drenching himself of course. I haven’t seen a crowd so smiley and laughing in a long time.

Peelander Z were the hosts of the event and they put on a wacky stage show. I have called them a Japanese punk band for kids, but people of all ages were enjoying the show and singing along. Like Gwar or Kiss, this band really makes a show a fun costumed insane experience, even in the rain and with the limited stage constraints of the Grackle.

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They are based in NYC but play Austin frequently enough it seems that most people here know them.

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Ringo DEATHstar is an Austin band with a heavy sound. They kinda reminded me of Asobi Seksu.

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Cold Heart of Space is an Austin band that plays loud punk music. I caught them in an indian fusion venue called the Whip-In. On their recordings, they recall a country Calvin Johnson. Their recording is VERY different from their live show.

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Greg Feldman played country at the Whip in with Jason playing slide guitar. 11012111_10205288296820577_1100761901597878801_n10425504_10205288296620572_1838647169977439336_n

“Music Band” from Nashville TN. It seems they maybe named themselves as a joke? ya think? “Still alive, like a rock and roll song about rock and roll!”

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Roger Sellers is one of many one man band looping pedal experimenters like Holy F*ck. He played live drums, which sounded good over his tinkling arpeggios, but I’m getting kind of bored of this kind of music. Sure, I’d like to play it, but I am no longer excited about listening to others play it. My drawing, which I unfortunately was unable to give him, ended up cool because It blurred due to the interaction of the gel ink on the paper and ended up looking Ralph Steadmany.

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Austin band “A giant dog” rocked hard at Peelander Fest at the Grackle. Good luck trying to google them.  Sabrina is a powerful frontman, and can really command a crowd.

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At the Wonder Show at the Vortex theatre. Andrew Goldenhersh  was truly phenomenal! Marcus Monroe was hilarious and juggled his own invention:Knife torches, or Knorches. Vinnie DePonto impressed us with several mentalist tricks (thats him on the left.) Sorry about the color on the photos… stage lighting.

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Juan Martinez is known as the pain proof man, he is a blockhead and has many piercings and performs sideshow in Austin at the museum of the weird!   100_3795 100_3793 100_3792

Beth Chrisman playing in Brennen Leigh’s gospel country band at STAY GOLD.100_3808 100_3810Kristen Ford, what a great performer! Awesome, touching songs, and she clearly has such a big heart and welcomes in her audience to have a great time with her. 100_3825

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Future Kings are a band from Kansas city!

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And The Kids are a band from North Hampton, MA. They play beautiful math rock with fun lyrics. They were joined by Andrew from Mother Falcon. She played an electric Ukulele. Give their music a listen here. The Cheerful face on the drummer is quite wrong, she was frowning most of the show, so i had to draw her again.100_3827 100_3829

Daniel Romano is a charming country boy from Ontario. On my drawing the last name is wrong because it was listed wrong on a flyer. His songs were gentle like the Cowboy Junkies. His slide player was excellent and provided just the right light touch.100_3831 100_3832

The shivas are amazing and totally gorge. Their music is groovy and retro, surfy and sloppy. Sometimes their vocalist reminds me of the Kinks. You can hear their music here.

I especially like “Stalking Legs” and “You Make me want to Die.” Their song “Big Mama Casio” is awesome! We should get them to play a show with Crushed Out! That would be a dream lineup! Or maybe they need a keyboard player…. hmmmm.

But Isaac, did you only go to shows in Austin? No! I also took a nature walk, went to teh horror wax museum/comic shop SFANTHOR.  I had a great time in the show room and bought an amazing reverb unit from Seth at ScreaminFX. Now my theremin will have a proper analog spring tank!  The art in Flatstock was incredible, I wont post any photos out of respect to the artists. I also enjoyed some delicious creations from food carts! ZOW. There was an incredible Tom Yum Dirty Rice with chicken liver at a food cart on 6th. I also had some yummy bulgogi tacos with kim chee at the Grackle. I love AUSTIN! If you are on the fence about going to SXSW and think you can’t enjoy it without an expensive pass, GO!

There are many other journalists who are writing about SXSW, articles like this one indicate that for many working bands, its just another show. Nate Valdez says, “There are no clear answers to what a band should do. There’s a sense of respect and awe one can’t help but feel for someone who is blindly committing to their passion regardless of the outcome.” It is silly to think that a single show will cause you to “make it.” But SXSW is great exposure for people like me and to people like me. I sometimes put on small shows, last year I hosted shows with David Heti, the Doubleclicks and Cello Fury. I had them because I saw them and knew I had to share their talent with others. I saw David Heti at NXNW, and I saw Cello Fury at SXSW and that directly led to them coming to Alaska and playing for hundreds of happy people.  Is SXSW worth it? as a fan, as a booker definitely, for a band, possibly not. you may play to no one.

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The shivas as sxsw

a very hip nostalgia surf rock paychedelia act,Outland, Oregonian, the shivas area national treasure.

I drew them, I drew their drummer twice.

   

Check them out online, they have songs on bandcamp

https://theshivas.bandcamp.com/album/you-know-what-to-do-2 

Prinze George from Maryland

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Naomi, Isabelle and Kenny put on an awesome show and they dress in all white! Naomi does her best barbarella impression while Isabelle slams the drums and bangs her head throwing her long black hair everywhere!! Meanwhile Kenny plays synth and guitar with his hair in his eyes!

Fun band !! Cd review coming soon.

the pain proof man at Austen’s museum of the wierd!

Juan Martinez is known as the pain proof man, he is a blockhead and has many piercings and performs sideshow in Austin at the museum of the wierd!   http://bigtoppiercing.com/?page_id=116

We got to see the man frozen in ice and many other oddities! I can’t post photos from Sfanthor, the horror wax museum, but it was very fun too!  Austin is awesome!

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